Confidence is like a House. And just like a house, a sturdy foundation is the key to confidence that can weather a storm.
As I wrote the intro to this article the song “Brick House” By Commodores began playing in my head. Here, share in my earworm for a second.
♫♪” She’s a Brick
House… She’s Mighty Mighty…. ♫♪
How does your body respond to that? Do you tap your foot or bob your head, even though nothing is playing? Did you immediately look up the song? If you haven’t heard it before, the song has spunk, it has beat, and it has an infectious and iconic funky feel. It’s a feel-good confident song about… confidence. And if you’ve been lucky enough to hear it more than once you are probably in the fantastic group who will now have that tune stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
You’re welcome.
By the time you’re done reading this, you’ll be a brick house of confidence so let’s call it
an even exchange. There are a few things you need to know about confidence before we build your house. Confidence without a foundation of self is easily broken. Our brains seek out a
couple of different types of information.
What do you choose?
Information that keeps us safe, and information that feels good. Because of that we often find information that reinforces how amazing we all are… but occasionally (or in some cases frequently) our brain finds and latches on to information that keeps us safe and hurts our confidence.
How are those two things possible? Well, our ancestors got good at two things
- fitting in or
- getting out of dodge.
If you didn’t do the first thing, you were certainly forced to do the second, and the second would often result in the end of a lineage. Our ancestors got really good at being part of a community and ensuring that they could get along with each other.
Hundreds of years later, our brains don’t behave the same way, but we instinctively know that being ostracised by your community is a bad thing, and our split-second judgements of fight or flight are made based on information that we’ve built up through our entire lives. This plays a role in confidence by taking the reactions of others and collecting data about what the people around us like and don’t like.
The brain will then continue to seek out information that proves our beliefs correct. But when our beliefs are new or in the process of changing, our brain has adjusted to seek out the information to prove that one new piece of information is correct. In some situations, the brain seeks to prove the new information wrong. Which I assume is why a child will still reach for a stove when you tell them, “The Stove will burn you if you touch it.”
The brain is looking for information to prove this new theory correct. Back to our house analogy, If you’re building a brick house, then each brick is a piece of information that supports your ability to protect yourself. However, the bricks do nothing for your ability to protect your confidence. See confidence in the safety of a building is in the structural integrity of the building and that starts at the foundation.
So, what is the foundation of confidence?
It’s your internal mapping system of who you are, what you stand for, and what values you hold close. Then the rest of your building materials are the experiences throughout your life up to the moment you’re reading this.
So, try this: rate your confidence, from 1 to 3 – little pigs scale.
- Is it a 1 – a straw house?
- Or is it a 3 a brick house?
- Maybe it’s a 2 – a stick house?
Think about each of those scenarios – if your confidence is a straw house, meaning every time a big, bad wolf comes by your house gets blown over– you need to fix the building materials.
If your house is a 3, it’s probably pretty sturdy, but what’s the foundation like?
Here is a list of questions you can ask yourself to test the foundations. If you can answer these quickly, chances are your foundation is solid. If it takes you a while, or you don’t know where to start answering that question, then by taking the time now and answering the questions, you’ll begin to build up your foundation.
- What are the top 3 values you hold in the highest regard?
- What are your top 3 strengths and your top 3 areas of opportunity?
- What are you doing about your areas of opportunity?
- What is your personal mission statement?
- What is the biggest goal you are working on right now, and why?
- How are you going to get there?
So, let’s review, holding your values and your mission at the core of what you do, reinforces a sense of self. It allows you to stand firm in your actions and do so with integrity. It’s like the rebar that creates the framework of a basement.
Solidifying your foundation
Acknowledging your strengths is about pouring the initial foundation and finding ways to leverage your areas of opportunity. Testing the concrete to ensure that it’s set and its level. Each success you have practising strength in your area of opportunity adds bricks to your building material pile.
Our brains need success and learning to solidify the foundation. By putting together the action steps and the why behind a goal, you set yourself up for success. When you practice success setting, you’re placing the first few bricks of your support walls and cementing them into place.
Lastly, your building materials come from the experiences you have. Sometimes you will have straw. Other times you will have sticks, and hopefully, you will mostly experience things that allow you to find bricks. No matter what experiences life throws at you, the confidence house you build with those will stand up to any storm as long as you have a good foundation.
You might have to assess some damage. Perhaps repair some things, but the core foundation of your house will ensure that your confidence is never knocked over.
Contributing Author: Stephanie Kunkel, MSc
Stephanie is a leadership development specialist who inspires teams to lead with compassion, vision, and creativity. Her mission is to ensure that every leader has the tools to align their team with the values of their company and show their teams what the opportunity for growth looks like. She has consulted for Fortune 500 companies in healthcare, manufacturing, and technology for 8 years.
She also has over 18 years of sales and marketing experience and has spent over 20 years in business ownership.
After developing a customised leadership onboarding and expanded development program for multiple teams, she elevated her mission. She stepped into inspired entrepreneurship. Stephanie has experience in
- training teams on leadership,
- business management,
- effective interpersonal communication strategies,
- emotional wellness,
- and handling trauma and change in the workplace as well as many others.
Additionally, Stephanie is an international best-selling author, with over 11 years of experience in coaching and training and her passion for inspiring growth is apparent in her presentations. She has said: “The goal is not to teach a class as someone qualified, but to help the class to connect with me so that they can embrace the concepts that increase mental well-being. This results in stronger leaders.” Stephanie carries her associate’s degree in Leadership development, bachelor’s degree in marketing management, and master’s degree in leadership and management. She continues to attend regular courses with other industry forerunners on leadership and mental health. Stephanie is changing the way businesses, organisations, and even politicians discuss leadership and mental health.
Join the Wisdom Seekers Society and catch the recording of Stephanie’s wonderful Wisdom Whispers session.
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